well, i realize the Hallmark subject title is a bit lame, but i had to vent…

i just came back from my friend Al’s memorial last night. Al was a great dude, incredible drummer and even better friend. very selfless, sweet disposition, and had a way of never being or making anyone else feel down. just big smiles all the time. his bandmates (Kevin, Jeremy, and A Jay) were all tight-knit brothers (Jeremy and A Jay by blood), and all grew up together in Fullerton, Ca. they were the same 4 guys that would be in rivaling Hair Metal groups on the Sunset Strip that i would say “hi” to when my Hair Metal group walked down the street with a sack of flyers and a bottle of Gordon’s gin to make promoting our bands to people more entertaining. they would go on to play together under different names, even up to present day, enjoying success as a group that struck a few hits on alt-rock radio (around the same exact time that my old band had one in the late 90’s). i remember bumping into them at a festival in Austin in the late 90’s when we were on the same bill with them. we bonded over the fact that our bands survived the hair metal holocaust and were able to evolve, many years later, into something entirely new and inspiring for us at the time. we (me, Jayce, and Slug from “the Marvelous 3” as we were called) remembered them from our teenage hairsprayed days and had a laugh, then would eventually go on to be good friends and tour mates a few times. i was always so proud of their friendship and bond they had, and even when the Alt-Rock empire crumbled and most bands dissipated or moved on, they still to this day had no motive to be anything other than friends, brothers and bandmates in perpetuity. i thought that was just fucking awesome. at a time when i lost my band of brothers and decided to travel down uncharted waters personally, i envied this love and passion these guys had/have. i couldn’t see how great of a friendship and bond of 15 continuous years i had with my bandmates, due to road, burnout, alcohol abuse and… well.. ego. i had forgotten what it was like to be in a band, and was on a mission to just destroy everything at the risk of losing everyone around me. but enough about ME..

being there last night and seeing the amount of family and friends these guys have, and watching a 2 hour video compiled of interview and timeline footage of Al’s life was engaging, heartwarming, and overall.. just heartbreaking. i sat next to Jeremy and just silently whimpered the whole time with streams of tears going down my cheeks, as i watched these guys laugh every time something funny would be shown or said by Al, or pictures and footage of him with his daughter (and unless you have a kid, then you have NO IDEA how much harder a loss hits you) would play, i felt the bond of these guys. i put my hand on Jeremy’s shoulder as i could see him in his tough-guy facade, tearing up when he was watching a clip of Al playing. he just said “i’m gonna miss him”. i don’t know why that hit me so hard, but i haven’t stopped crying for 2 days about it. i guess it just makes me get out internalized emotions that are things i can relate or commiserate with? i don’t know what i would do if i lost Slug or Jayce. even though we haven’t played in a band together in almost 10 years, i grew up with them, became a man with them, became a real musician because of them, and saw things i would’ve never seen by doing anything other than touring the world for almost 15 years with them.

either way, i just wanted to say how lucky we are all to be here and to have people that love us. if you don’t have someone that does, then let me be the first to say I LOVE YOU.

this is pretty sappy, i know, but i just felt it needed to become letters instead of thoughts.

Rest in Peace Al….

until the next one,

Butch